Thursday, August 16, 2007

Being a Wife

My name is Tarrah and I just wanted to start off by telling you a little about my husband & I. I am from Washington state (close to Seattle) and this is where I met the man I would later marry. We met on June 14, 1999. I remember how amazing his eyes were & how sweet & laid back of a man he was.

Now I came from a broken up family, my parents divorced when I was in elementary school and we never had any other family in the same state as us. Sam's family is very large and pretty much everyone is still married. So as a young couple we new nothing about being married, we just knew that we wanted to spend the rest of our lives with each other.

Almost a year after being married we moved from San Diego to the East Coast. I know what your thinking, what a huge difference. But we wanted to be closer to his family and we felt the Lord calling us over here. When we finally settled in Vermont we found a church and joined a married couples bible study. To this day, we both still talk about that study and what it did for our relationship. We were the youngest couple, everyone else had been married for 5 - 25 years, and oh what knowledge they had. There was one couple that was a real blessing for us, when we are going through something we still look back on their relationship & remember some of the things they told us. One of those things was this:

Wake up each day and pray about what you could do that day
to honor & respect your spouse

They were an amazing couple! They had been married for somewhere around 10 years and they seemed to still be newly weds. We wanted to be just like them throughout our marriage.
But oh how that was not the case for a little while. We went through some rough times. We had a child, didn't have enough time to spend with each other, had differences and didn't know how to talk about them, financial issues, and just time trying to really get to know each other and accept each other for how we are.

I think right now, where we are after almost 6 years of marriage, we are more in Love than we have ever been. I thank the Lord for this time of growth, for putting people in our lives (good & bad) who have been an example to us.

God has given me such a huge desire to be the best wife I can be to my husband! This has been on my heart very heavily this past year and what a difference it has been in our relationship. The man is the head of the household and provides for his family in many different ways. And us as wives & mothers, we provide a warm & welcome home, a place where the family is taken care of and feels comfortable, we make our home a home.

Here is a list of things that have been a focus of mine as a wife and a stay at home mother. These are also some things that my husband has told me he is very thankful for. There are also a couple resources that have been a blessing for us as a married couple:

In our second year of marriage we attended a Weekend to remember conference put on by Family Life. If you have not heard of this conference or have not yet attended one, I highly recommend it. We had not had children yet and it was still such a wonderful weekend. We hope to go to one again soon.
I work very hard to make my home a warm, welcoming, happy place for my husband to come home to. I think all too often we forget that they have also worked all day and we just think of how hard & long of a day we have had with the kids. I am too often guilty of this. I get jealous that he gets to leave and go to work and I cant wait for him to get home so I can hand off the kids to him & try to get stuff done for myself. I have really stepped back & realized that they work just as hard, if not harder sometimes. They are called to provide for their family, that is a huge calling to have on yourself. Here are some ways to do this:

* No matter how hard of a day you have had, greet him at the door with a smile and a hug, ask him about his day & don't forget to listen

* Don't throw the kids at him right away, I truly believe men need a few moments to gather their thoughts when they get home. I have also found that by doing this, they will start to need less & less time to gather those thoughts and will be right there with the kids.

* Home cooked meals! The way to a man's hear is through his stomach. When he is not home at night I slack in the dinner department but if he is going to be home I make sure he has a good meal to eat.

* Don't forget that men love machinery & tools. To mow the lawn, work on cars, chopping wood, doing projects outside. These are things that make them feel good and make them feel like they are taking care of their home, it doesn't mean they don't want to spend time with you. Jump in there and work with him or just sit in the area with the kids to keep him company. My husband has told me many times how much he appreciates that.

* I give my husband little lists to do around the home, like fixing things, and he is one of those wonderful husbands that gets it done right away for me. He tells me all the time that he wants to make those things a priority for me because I take care of the home for him.
* Ask your husband if he needs anything or if you could do anything for him. He may not need anything and you may need a lot, but after a while you will see a huge difference.
* Flirt with him. They love a quick kiss as your passing eachother or a quick pat on the butt :). And don't forget to tell him you love him.

* Pray for him! A friend of mine got me a book a while back & it is my absolute favorite. The Power of a Praying Wife touches many different areas to pray about for your husband. She is amazing at describing men and how the bible tells us to pray for them. She gives at least 10 bible verses about each subject and she has a written prayer at the end of each. It has really made me pay more attention to how my husbands thoughts & feelings work. It's also great to go back to every day and pray for certain areas that I feel led to pray about.

* Another book I highly recommend is Night Light by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson. It is a devotional book to do with your husband. It has prompted many different conversations and guided us through how to discuss them. This has really helped us each talk to each other more before little things get too big.

If you are at all in a hard place with your spouse, I pray that there will be quick healing. God is an awesome God & can heal the worst of situations. Look to him in all situations, find a mentor couple or a group of married couples. It is amazing when you can work through the hard times & see how much you have grown together as a couple & family.

If you have any other thoughts or great resources you would like to share, please leave us a comment, we would love to hear them.

God Bless


Christy. said...

Such great advice! We are coming up on 10 years and God has taught me a lot about the wife and mom that I need to be. The biggest thing that I have learned since being a SAHM for the past 7 years is to not compare. Don't try to figure out who has it worse, it just creates strife. God has given us DIFFERENT roles not EASIER OR TOUGHER ones. :0)
Thanks for your encouragement this morning!

striving... said...

awesome, I am going to check out the Dobson book, already have the power of a praying wife which I agree is great. I have only been home full time for a year, and have been married coming up to 9 years. I just want peace, maybe the book you recommend would shine some light in some areas.

Penless Thoughts said...

Good post. We all need to learn from each other. No one has all the answers.

diana said...

good advice. i think one of the most important things we can do is to let our husbands be who they are and not try to change them. real change comes from within with the help of God.

Amber said...

LOL! I always say, a man's toys are tools.

I loved the Power of a Praying Wife!! I'll look into Night Light

Great post, thanks!!!

God Bless,

Lori said...

What a great post.
These are all great ideas and reminders of how to be a great wife.

I've done the Power of a Praying Wife bible study and it was awesome.
I've heard of the Night Lite retreat..but have never gone.

Momma Roar said...

Great post! I love Power of a Praying Wife (and parent) - I gave it as a prize when I did a birthday giveaway last month - a real sweet gal got it!!

My hubby is in a family business and doesn't come home at the same time each night. I've started mowing the lawn in the afternoon so that when he gets home, he can just relax rather than do more work. He tells me that he really appreciates it.

I totally agree about the meals too!

MorningSong said...

I won the Power of a Praying Wife from a really sweet gal! :)

Now, I just need to read it. I have the Night Light for kids but not the one for marriage. I need to check it out!

Wendy said...

What a great post, and it comes at a perfect time for me. My husband got promoted right after our newest daughter was born, so with his longer hours and adjusting to the new baby, I've been letting myself feel overwhelmed and not remembering to appreciate and care for him like I should be, so this is a great wake-up for me! I need to get myself both those books, I miss reading with my husband at bedtime. :)

Mississippi Songbird said...

Great post. Thanks