Wednesday, October 17, 2007

A willing heart = A changed heart.

I am a hoarder, a saver, a collector, a stasher, a poker, a stuffer, a pig.

Not in every area of my life. Not even in most areas of my life. But in those few dark closets, those few hidden shelves, those few forgotten about hide-aways...I tend to let the 'crap', for lack of a better word, pile up.

My bedroom seems to be the main focus of this disorder. It quickly becomes the catch all for empty shopping bags that I leave the receipt of my purchases in just in case I have a change of heart, the one missing sock that I am hopeful will turn up...and more than likely it's mate has already been thrown, the pants that need a button sown on or need ironing but HA! we all know that will never happen. And so the piles build.

They build and build and for so long I do not even notice. I come into my room at the end of the day, flop myself down onto the bed in utter exhaustion and I don't even SEE the chaos around me. Or maybe, I do not want to see it. Maybe if all other corners of the house appear organized than this one 'little' indulgence will not be so bad. Maybe if I contain the clutter, excess, GARBAGE to one room, no one will know that this part of me exists.

But I know. And it bothers me. And He knows. And it bothers Him. He knows that my spiritual closets are full of junk as well. And even though I can go on for days, weeks, and sometimes months over-looking it and ignoring it, one day He opens my eyes.

It happens this way every time. In one moment I am content to poke around the bottom of my closet for a missing shoe...pushing aside shopping bags, fallen sweaters, and discarded pants, and in the next moment I am not. I drag on daily with a tank that is full of worldly garbage...and spiritually on empty.

I am horrified at what lies before me, within me. The dust collected on my reading lamp. The three weeks worth of newspapers under my nightstand, the cut off tags from clothing strewn across my dresser, the pairs of shoes haphazardly flung around the room, the glasses of half-full water lining the window sill, the pants that were tried on and dropped where I stood... on and on my eyes are opened to the pig-sty both around me and within me. And I feel the shame of what I am seeing and of what it implies about the resident of this room.

But like always, God restores what is damaged. He mends what is broken. And He loves despite it all. As I pick up the pieces again and again, I am reminded that I am a work in progress. And even if the rest of the world does not see my brokenness, He does. And He cares. And He heals. But only when I am ready and when my hands are active in the process as well. He longs to take out the garbage, if I will just hand it over. A willing heart...a changed heart.


Shaunda said...

GREAT post...I have just added you to my list of blog friends...

weavermom said...

Heidi - awesome post. Very thought-provoking and true. And Praise God that He does care and heal.

[fake deep sigh] Do I have to go clean up the piles in my basement?? :)

Lori said...

Great post. So true.
I loved your analogy of comparing stuff piling up in our houses with all the stuff that piles up in our hearts/lives. It is great that we do have a God who does change and heal us.
Glad you posted with us today.

Anonymous said...

Like I've said before, you are real and that's what makes me come back to long to know more about you. I never feel like I have to be anything but myself when it comes to you.

Isn't it wonderful that our Lord allows the very same thing. He takes us in whatever condition we come to him and smiles down on us in love and calls us friend.

diana said...

you just described my bedroom, too - and my feelings of being overwhelmed and lost in the garbage.

your words have inspired me. i'm going to make it a priority to pick up the room and clean out the closet. and while i'm doing it, i'm going to focus on God and what garbage in me needs to be cleaned out.

thanks you.

~ Amy ~ said...

Excellent Heidi! I'm right there with ya.

Dawnelle said...

Me, too. :) Great post, Heidi.

Teresa said...

Awesome message that I needed to hear. Good work Heidi Jo!

Anonymous said...


You described my entire house and even the car. You mean there's hope for me, still?


Hands-Free Heart said...

Thank you for your honesty! Wow, I can relate so much... except my "faults" have spread to more than just my bedroom physically, and I too see the spiritual mirror in it all. It is so hard for me to comprehend the love of God in the midst of me hating me. But I know he does love me and can heal me too. I needed the reminder.

Anonymous said...

Wow, good analogy! It is so true that what we see outward does indeed reflect somewhere deep in our spiritual life. It is also true that one day we don't mind the mess around us or even see it and the next it just has to be delt with! God counts what we have and when we begin the process He is more than willing to take on the project together with us! I see the dust and clutter calling me, I better go! Love you Daughter

Amber said...

WOW! "God restores what is damaged. He mends what is broken. And He loves despite it all." I could read that again and again, and each time I do my heart has that achy hurt/loving feeling...I don't quite know how to explain it but I LOVE that he mends and restores me and yet it saddens me that I have failed Him so many times.

Thank you for such a WONDERFUL post!

God Bless,

Anonymous said...

Such a great post Heidi! I am actually working on a pile I've made on my snack bar. I only moved it from the kitchen to the coffee table. I didn't make progress but my intentions were good. Thanks for the nudge to tackle my piles without AND within.