Attitude adjustments. They're not just for kids.

One day a person in my house woke up with a bad attitude. She walked around with a frown on her face. She was frustrated at the other family members. She yelled, she had temper tantrums. She admitted that she was wrong for her behavior, but she didn’t change. In fact, I think she enjoyed the way yelling made her feel. It released some of her irritability. But, later, she would feel bad about it and wish she hadn’t done it.

I noticed her attitude was affecting the other family members. They began to fuss
with each other, walk around with sullen, frowny faces and make rude comments to each other. There was more fighting. This went on for several days. I’m ashamed to admit, I let it go on for almost two weeks.

What would you have done? How would you discipline this individual? How long might this behavior gone on in your house?

What if the person with the bad attitude was you?

I was preoccupied with the upcoming yard sale, trying to paint my bedroom along with the usual daily activities like doing lessons and preparing meals. I wasn’t handling it very well, but I kept pushing along, determined to do everything no matter how bad things got. I was making a kid cry almost every day. I felt irritable, imposed upon, my fuse was very short and my attitude was very bad.

First, I blamed my kids. They were so needy. They wanted food, clean clothes, and even attention from me! I couldn’t do everything, why couldn't they understand? They were fussing with each other more, talking back to me and not completing chores. I was yelling, threatening and punishing, but nothing was working. Instead of improving relationships, I was tearing them apart.

When I hurt my daughter’s feelings in church one Sunday and she hid in her room most of the afternoon sobbing on her bed, I realized I was the problem and I needed to change my attitude.

Have you ever noticed that when you have a bad attitude everyone around you has one too? That’s what was happening in my house. I was too busy to set limits, so bedtime slipped into anytime. Chore time disappeared, and being respectful to one another was rare. I was too busy to enforce discipline, so I began to yell, make unreasonable demands and expect them to do what I wanted them to do without taking the time to explain anything.

I was very close to a nomination for worst mother of the year.

What changed? When I finally realized I was the problem, I prayed for help. I started opening my eyes to the harsh words I was using and the negative comments I was making. I re-read Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining and Bad Attitudes in You and Your Kids! By Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller. (And boy did I need that refresher course.) I apologized to my kids, and I struggled. It’s not easy to be calm, rational and giving.

Things are still not perfect; they never will be. It’s hard being the parent. I get discouraged. I get irritable. Some days I want to call a time-out and just stop being the mom for a few hours. It’s so much easier to let the sassy talk go rather than apply discipline. It’s easier to zone out than pay attention. But I’m trying. And it’s amazing what changing my attitude has done for the rest of the family. If I am on top of things, they don’t push the rules quite so much. If I am free with the affection and love, they aren’t whiny and needy all the time. And if I’m communicating with my kids instead of yelling demands, they are able to come to me, to open their hearts to me, and that’s the kind of relationship I want to grow within my family.

It’s amazing what a little adjustment can do.